I am at a total loss for words. I'm here to try document this. For myself, I guess. It's as though I went back in time, to high school, where egos are easily bruised, and cliques are tight. It's as though everything I thought we all had learned over time is completely irrelevant.
Tonight I went to my friend's house after work. This is the 'other' friend, the one who is also in the know about the beatings that we have heard so much about.
My husband and kids were there. How we all ended up there is irrelevant, but it shouldn't be. So there we are. We are making dinner. We are teaching each other how to make "healthy food". Whatever that is. That's what was going on. Lots of fun, silliness, and 5 kids running around.
A picture was posted on Facebook. And 3 minutes later, a text message, from the girl I've been telling you about:
Why is it that the ____ family is always left out of the mix? A tad upset over _________ but truly upset over tonight and the post on facebook? Thanks...Whoa. Out of left fucking field. So you understand, the first blank is their last name and the second blank is a reference she made to another event in which a pic was posted on Facebook.
Not that I need to explain anything, but both events included circumstances that were not intentional or premeditated. I totally know and agree I don't have to explain it, but that's that truth.
So we're all in shock and awe. What the fuck. Do we respond? How? Does she seriously not: A) understand that she spilled her guts to us and said her husband beats her and she's not in love with him anymore? and, B) understand that shit happens? People get together, it's not personal?
Ok, yea, yea. I am going to say right now that I get that everyone has jealousy and it happens. It just happens that you wish you were somewhere you aint. But how is that my problem??
We hem and haw. My friend replies to the text. I forget what she said, but something like, 'Are you serious?'
We get another text. It says:
Totally upset... sad... disappointed..very...Huh. Well then. Now what? We know we've done nothing wrong. And we still cannot understand why she would think we'd want to hang out with her family, as if nothing is wrong. Oh yea, and remember that one detail in the post below? Today is their 7 year anniversary!
We get another text. Its says:
Knew this would happen.... very upset...Jesus christ. This is fucking ridiculous. So I finally reply. I say:
Knew what would happen?? I'm totally confused. We need to talk. Since tonight is your anniversary i'm assuming you're not available??She never replied. My friend and I went outside to call her. She didn't answer. We left a message saying please call us. Nothing. We text her. We say something like, 'wow lots of texts and you can't talk?? pretty shitty.'
Me being shitty? Hardly. I go out of my way for both of u and am a complete friend all the time. u know that.. totally hurt by your actions...and then another:
Heading to bed... exhausted...Through the whole thing I only replied to her once and left her one voicemail. I am pretty hurt but not in a cry-my-eyes out way. I'm not stalking mad. I'm just so confused. How the fuck can she disregard everything she has said? She wants a fairy tale life.
I guess I am in untethered waters here. I don't know what's up or down at this point. I don't know where my place is or what I should say, or when, or to whom.
Yes, I know and understand that I'm writing about Facebook photos and text messages. That I haven't even talked to her. But I'm still unhinged. It's unreal to me that she would send messages like that. I understand she is angry and upset, and hurt. I don't understand what I did. I really don't.
I've decided to take what I've learned in life, and to finally apply it here. Right now. I'm not saying anything. I'm not replying with my one liners, my trite comments, my honesty. I'm staying quiet right now. We'll see what happens tomorrow.