Monday, February 11, 2008

Have a ball y'all, throw your hands up

If I were a stay-at-home mom, I'd be an alcoholic. No doubt about it. I can think of nothing else to do all day long.

Current drink: Pear Vodka and Club Soda, on the rocks. Refreshing. And nutritious. I think the Pear aspect of this drink counts as one serving of fruit for today. And we may work our way up to two or three servings of fruit by the end of the night.

My boobs hurt. How long do I have to breastfeed before I will not feel guilty for quiting? Guilty for what, you ask? I have no clue. With all the alcohol, the formula is no doubt more nutritious than the boob milk. It's a funny paradox. That may not be the correct usage of paradox, but it sounded good there. So we're going with it.

Anywhosi, I think I saw an episode on Oprah once about mommies who drink, sometimes before 5:00, and sometimes in the presence of other mommies and other kids. I remember the audience being all shaky shaky of the head and judgmental, and the mommy who drinks who came to the show (why?) sat on the stage and was ridiculed. I remember I thought to myself that I would drink too if I had to sit at home all day long with little kids. And here I am, the very topic of an Oprah conversation. Kind of makes me feel special. I wish Oprah would host that topic of conversation again. I'll bring my mommy friends who are also drinking amongst their children. Oh, the shame.

This blog makes me laugh out loud. Check it out. I Am Bossy.

Update: I think I could do a double banger on the Oprah show.

Oprah, in all her wisdom, is searching for a Shlumpadinka. Heard of it? Know the word?

According to Oprah, a Shlumpadinka is someone whose "day to day wardrobe consists of oversized sweats, gym shoes and a pony tail".

Fascinating show topic, right?

Interestingly, that description actually describes most of my mommy/drinking friends.

Oprah asks, "When you meet for a playdate or a drink with your neighbors – do you look like a shlumpadinka?"

Ummm, yes. At least I'm comfortable whilst sipping my drinks. Stop being so fucking judgmental, Oprah. Get yourself some sweatpants and pour yourself a drink. I promise, you'll feel better.

1 comment:

another drinker said...

ditto! i am sick of folks who judge me on my drinking habits. shut the f'up. seriously, i drink a lot. at work--never; do i pay my bills--yes; do i have an absenteeism or tardy problem at work--nope; do i black-out--occasionally (less as i get older, but certainly at times); i spend my free time drinking or thinking about drinking! PERIOD. i don't judge people who spend money shopping or on a home that isn't appreciating in value or that they can't afford. shut-up! i pay my taxes, i take care of myself and my family and am a functioning part of this world, but yes i drink too much for some standards. bite me!

i say cheers to your pear vodka on the rocks...i currently am in love with the ruby red with soda and a splash of about a serving of fruit.