Saturday, May 26, 2007

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep, Stuck in reverse

I feel really pregnant now. I have to wear pregnancy pants and I am beyond tired. I wake up every morning at 3:00 AM for some unknown reason, and it's usually a struggle to get back to sleep. I have to eat a bowl of cereal to stop the loudest hunger grumbles I have ever heard. If I can't get back to sleep I am pretty much screwed for the rest of the day, working through multi-million dollar deals and trying to be patient with corporate morons.

Yesterday I was up from 3:00 AM on, with about a half hour cat nap around 5:30 AM. I luckily did not have to go to the office and was working from home (READ: watching the Little One while checking email every 5 minutes). By 8:00 PM I was sleeping while awake. It really is possible. I was sleep walking while awake.

My energy level is zil because I can't eat. When I finally feel famished I can hardly get anything down. I am always nauseous. I have not actually thrown up, except for once, and that was because I opened the refrigerator and the most grotesque smell wafted in my face. I ran to the bathroom. This was at 3:30 AM. Right after that episode I devoured a large bowl of peanut butter Cap'n Crunch. The only other time in my life when I can remember eating cereal in the middle of the night was when I was pregnant with the Little One.

My cravings include Orangina, orange soda, orange juice, strawberry orange juice, ice cream, chocolate cake, pizza (piping hot, cheese only), french fries, candy, and buffalo chicken sandwiches. Yea, not much on that list is considered healthy. Did I mention McDonald's? Good thing I am taking 6 horse pills per day. Some call them prenatal vitamins. I call them foul.

I am not a member of the Mommy Police Brigade, so I am allowed to drink a little red wine every now and then. Yesterday was the first day when the smell and taste of wine was exceptionally unappealing. And it was about a $300 bottle of Jarvis Cabernet. (Big.Sigh.)

All of this is vastly different from my first pregnancy. I remember having no problem with food - eating anything I could get my hands on. I slept better, but I did not have a two year old then. I never felt nauseous then. I thought I did, but that was anxiety. This is nausea.

So does this mean a girl is on the way? Who knows. If I were a betting person I'd bet on a boy, based on the history in Mr Grass' family. A girl would be fun. We have a list of girl names. Not one name in the boy column.

We bought the Little One a baby and stroller so he can start to practice. We have friends who are already planning a shower. We have discussed the new bedroom for the new baby. And we know we need to get the office ready for primetime so we can both work in there for a few months.

It's getting more and more real. I just want the empty stomach feeling to end. Oh yea, and my boobs hurt.

Happy Memorial Day!


Monday, May 21, 2007

Get Your Vote On


She is at it again with her Internet shenanigans. She wants you to vote for her campaign song. How nice.

What is the point of this? Are we expected to believe that Hillary is a fan of Smash Mouth and Jesus Jones? She must be a huge U2 fan, what with two U2 choices on the list. What about the classic U2 song She Moves in Mysterious Ways? That would be perfect for Ms. Lady Hill.

So what is the point, exactly? Is she being sly and trying to figure out what demo she appeals to? Is she trying to determine who visits her web site?

Does this mean that if Hillary is President she will create a web site where we can all go and vote on issues so she doesn't have to think?

Hillary, honey. It's YOUR campaign song. YOU are running for President. Choose your own song and make something for yourself. You have a brain. Use it!

P.S. How about Michael Jackson's Beat It?


Friday, May 18, 2007

BITTEN


Think this will last?

Everything is $20 and under in Sarah Jessica Parker's new fashion line,
Bitten. There are over 500 clothing items and accessories, footwear, wool and cashmere sweaters, jeans, dresses, and lingerie.

Cashmere for under $20? Hmmm.

Baby Got Back

pregnancy cartoon

There's an entire world of mommies and related-type stuff on the interwebs. I just found a new one and get a load of this!

"At this point any close family or friends have undoubtedly noticed you’re a little more moody and/or irritable than usual. And there are probably times where you’re ready to tell the world off (maybe you already have), but it’s always worth the time and effort to explain to yourself and others the reason for your current emotional rollercoaster; you don’t have to be a monster just because you feel a little whacked out."

So, well, then, yea.

I didn't sleep at all last night - very nauseous and uncomfortable. I'm starting to show already. My first doctor appointment is June 6. I can't wait to find out how far along I am!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky. Shine on you crazy diamond.

I'm not good with a lot of people fawning over me. I'm not good with a lot of people staring at me. It makes me feel uncomfortable, even at certain once-in-a-lifetime moments when it shouldn't.

True story: the other night, me and 5 other women are standing around. One of them pipes up, "Kim has never looked so cute. I have never seen her wearing cute earrings and cute outfits. She just looks so cute today."

I stood there, trying to smile, trying to change the subject, whilst everyone is staring at me.

All I heard is, "Kim is ugly and today she kind of looks cute."

I heard this version because I ALWAYS try to look "cute" around this group. I swear, I always DO look cute.

What's weird is that I've been getting a lot more attention lately and not for reasons you would think. And the cute comment came, even as I stared at all of them with a big black shiner under my eye.

You see, I was wrestling with my Little One over the weekend, and he gave me a head butt. And it hurt like a god damned mother fucker.

And now everyone is staring at me, and I hate every minute of it.

Except that this time, perfect strangers are constantly staring at me, whispering, creating a story in their world about why I have a black eye. They are trying to figure me out and they are oh so wrong.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Livin', Lovin', She's Just a Woman

I've written several blog posts since Monday morning. They all come out sounding as if I'm complaining and I know I have nothing to complain about. So I scrap them.

I'm not so much complaining as I am trying to articulate my life. I wonder if I should just write it for myself. I wonder how much I will be critiqued and judged. I wonder why that makes me feel uncomfortable when I am the one who decided to create this outpost for my life, my emotions, my own personal aresnal of ways to make myself laugh.

I have a scary feeling that this blog will become very pregnancy and baby intensive over the next year. I could be wrong because I'm sure as shit known to go off on a tangent about something or other that may or may not make sense to you. I then wonder if this blog is for me or for you, whomever you may be. I then wonder who the fuck cares. I then wonder why I wonder so much.

When I say pregnancy and baby intensive I do not mean happy, frilly talk of cute clothes and maternity wear. I am not talking about sing-songy ways to describe the way I feel. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy, I'm excited, I'm well aware that I will be receiving cute baby clothes and toys.

When I say pregnancy and baby intensive I am talking about me and only me. Too bad if that's selfish. I am pregnant. And this is my blog. So selfish is allowable.

When I say pregnancy and baby intensive I am talking about how my life will never be the same again. Yes it will be different from both a good and bad standpoint. My career will never be the same. My relationships will never be the same. I will never be the same.

Interestingly, 99.9% of all comments and conversations about this news has nothing to do with me or how I feel or how my life and my relationships are different, in an instant. That sentence sums up the enormity of the feelings and the intensity of the change that is about to occur. I've worked my ass off, I've made a good life for myself. I'm not complaining. But I will never be the same again and that declaration is huge to me.

Since I found out that I am pregnant we have informed the requisite parties and some others as well.

Here is a sampling of questions I have been getting:

Are you ready?
Do you have a name picked out?
What color will you paint the nursery?
Are you happy?
Are you excited?

What are you going to do about a babysitter?
Do you think it's a boy or a girl?
Are you still planning to do __________ (fill in the blank with some event, meeting or situation that really only affects the person asking me the question)


Are you fucking kidding me?

I don't know why I'm shocked. Maybe I'm just hormonal. I find it disgusting that most people cannot relate to something they aren't currently doing or feeling themself. I wonder if I am that way too. I'm going to try hard not to be.

This blog will talk about my struggles working a damn stressful job with enormous responsibility while trying to also be a damn good mom.

This blog will talk about my concerns with being both a career professional and a family person. Pregnancy and babies is a messy, scary, and completely humbling experience that I wouldn't trade for anything. But it's not always fun, and I'm not ever going to sugar coat it. I am me, and I will say what I feel and I will write my thoughts here. You may not agree and you may not like it. I invite discussion and debate. But please do not give me your sugary and sweet idea of who you think I should be, either now or later when I'm trying hard to take care of two kids. This is my story and I'm sticking to it.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Happy Mother's Day


Monday, May 7, 2007

Hey Ladies

Uh, trying to call you both. Answer your god damned phones!

Thursday, May 3, 2007

















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