Wednesday, December 26, 2007

I hear people singing It must be christmastime

Well, that's over. Went pretty smoothly actually. Time keeps on tickin', tickin', tickin'...

It's nice that we don't have to travel for these holidays. It's nice to go about our lives with just the occasional interruption to go eat and open gifts with the fam, and extended fam, and extended extended fam. Each year brings an interesting group of people together. A group that would never, ever normally all hang out together. Strange that anyone would think it's a good idea to try it out on a day when everyone just wants to relax and have fun, but can't, but why? I hate shit like that.

Plus, I'm all uncomfortable and cranky. I can't believe I'm pregnant. Jesus. I can't believe I'm about to give birth. Fuck. I can't believe we're about to have a helpless little thing around here. Shit. It's all starting to sink in, finally, I guess. Christ. What the fuck?

Technically shit could go down any day. I am just a couple days shy of 37 weeks, and that means we can safely say baby is "ready". Whatever that means. I hate the waiting.

I am headed to the doc's office today to see how things are going. I won't actually see the doctor, but I'll see an ultrasound of the baby, determine how much he weighs this week and what position he is in. They will weigh me too, and I'll pee in a cup. Unless the nurse sees anything that makes her think I'm about to give birth, I'll then make an appointment to go back next week. It is then that I'll see the doctor, and schedule to be induced.

Is it next week yet?

In the meantime I have to finish up 4 annual reviews so they are complete before I go on maternity leave. I hate annual reviews.

I am also chillin' with Little Little this week. He is on vacation from school until Jan. 7, which means we need to find ways to entertain him. Good news is he received every Thomas and Friends toy, game and DVD that exists, so there are numerous ways to distract and redirect when boredom sets in.

What is that you ask? What kind of gifts did the Whiner receive? Well, thank you for asking.

Here are my 2007 top 3 favorite gifts. Like you care. But I'm having fun, so go with it.

In descending order.
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Favorite #3
Who loves ya like a sister? This is AWESOME! We got a $250 gift certificate to Merry Maids. Yea, baby. Should I order this up this service before the baby arrives or after? I'm thinking after. When I can be sitting out by the pool with large glasses of vodka, sipping, watching someone clean my house. Yea, definitely after.




Favorite #2
This contraption is just expensive for no reason, but cool as shit. A funky bassinet, very foldable and therefore portable. Baby can sleep and chill out wherever we want him to. Like, for example, out by the pool while mommy is sipping large glasses of vodka. Yea, that doesn't sound very safe. But I'll be safe about it, I promise.





















Favorite #1

We, uh, kinda did something spontaneous. We bought this bad boy on Saturday and it was delivered on Monday morning!! Kick ass, I tell you. Fits PERFECTLY in our living room. It's NOT white, it's taupe. It's so cool. We're calling this our Christmas/Anniversary gift to each other.


And, there you have it. I hope you had fun with your families and friends. I'll keep y'all updated on the baby progress. Here's hoping my water breaks soon. Like today.

Have a good week!

Friday, December 14, 2007

I Want Out Of This Mess

I just want to open my own gift shop and work there for awhile. You know, a cute little place, with cute little gifts. I can accessorize my store and merchandise all the fun gifty stuff. I can sit there and read a book bertween customers. Maybe do some gift wrapping and order more cute, gifty stuff from catalogs. How can I make that happen? That sounds like the life to me. I hate working in this office environment where there is not a common bond, a common goal, a want or need to work together to be successful. I hate power struggles. I don't see the point. I can't see eye to eye on that. I thought the point of being in business was to work toward success for the company. The point is not to work toward making sure you are the star of the show, is it? I want to cry and leave and walk away and never return. I want to go to a job every day where the stress is more about ordering more cute, gifty items. I really do not like my job. I don't like my boss and the way she is not a boss. I don't like any of this right now. I hate it actually. It's so depressing in so many ways. I'm sorry. I had to vent. If you hear about ways to open a cute, gifty store please send ideas my way.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The Final Countdown



Friday, November 9, 2007

I Smile Too


Thursday, November 1, 2007

Enough About Me Let's Talk About You For A Minute

So, yea, hi.

Wow. I know, I know. It's been too long, baby. It's been over one month since I last came 'round here doin' any kind of postin' activities. In some ways that excites the hell out of me. As a 7+ month pregnant woman, I can tell you that the best and most exciting feeling is when time flies. And time sure did fly by in that there month of October.

I've been feeling super, duper tired and large. My job is stressful and challenging and that seems to zap any kind of energy I have. Oh yea, and that two year kid running around my house kind of wipes me out too. It's nutty sometimes.

We haven't done much to prepare for the baby. We've done nothing actually. Well, we did move the crib out of #1's room and he is now in a "big boy bed". And that has created some living hell at our house because he can now get in and out of bed whenever he wants to. Including every morning by 5:30 AM. So it's a good thing we live in retirement land because we are up well before the sun rises and falling into bed by 8:30 PM. We aren't exactly the life of any party lately.

The good news is that #1 is doing great in school - he absolutely loves that place. He can count to 15 or 16 on his own, he can identify all numbers and letters, he is becoming a regular arts and crafts extraordinaire, and he fully understands what he is supposed to do in the bathroom, though we are still working on getting him to actually do anything in the bathroom other than brush his teeth, which he does about 15 times per day.

Although I don't think he fully understands yet that he is about to share his whole world with a new baby brother, he is starting to understand more and more every day. He points at my belly and says "baby", and last night he even pointed at my belly and said, "Alex". So something is sinking in, I think.

The long and short of it is things are pretty boring around here. I hope my energy levels return soon. And I hope November flies as fast as October did and that I'm soon in baby ga ga-land. One friend had her baby last week, another is ready to go within the next 3 weeks, and I am still counting down another 10-11 weeks or so. Uggity, ugh, ugh, ugh. I'm not very good at this pregnancy crap. I'm too anxious.

I'd like to wish Mr Real Simple the best of luck in this weekend's New York City Marathon. GO # 148534!!! We'll be watching and rooting for you from our pool-side seats here in Sunny Florida.

And finally, a few pics of #1 dressed as his current OBSESSION. Yes, he is OBSESSED with Thomas the Tank Engine. Even still, he couldn't really understand the need to walk around in an uncomfortable suit and hat, and left the costume on all of, oh, about 10 seconds. We didn't even trick or treat (thank god, the last thing that kid needs is candy...). So, that was it, and here are the pics to prove it.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I know I've been lame keeping up with this. I'm really busy at work, and struggling with a few things there, and I really didn't want to just come on here and bitch. I knew it would come out sounding like no big deal, or like I am just whiny.

I am having a hard time managing a few people and I am pretty down on them and myself over the whole thing. I expect everyone to be able to balance life and work, and to be able to multi-task, be proactive, and speak up with ideas and problems (instead of waiting for all hell to break loose). I don't understand why so many people seem to be afraid of their own shadow. I don't understand why people don't understand that being afraid to say something or do something means we'll never improve, which means what is the point exactly? There is risk involved, and chances we have to take, and choices we have to make in order to keep going, improving, and becoming successful. I don't understand why so many people expect someone else to just hand them a manual of how to do their job. How many jobs are really like that? I've never had one, that's for sure.

Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I don't have the right people. But it's so difficult to invest so much time in a person to find out months later they just.don't.get.it. And I get depressed over the whole thing.

Managing people is the hardest part of any job I've ever had. People are so difficult to crack, to get inside, to understand. As much as I work to avoid it, there are always head games and ulterior motives that don't occur to me until much too late. I am too invested in the real job at hand. I don't spend my time worrying about who said what to whom, and who reports to whom, and who stepped on someone else's toes. WHO CARES? If it doesn't affect the end result, the ultimate goal at hand, who cares?

Maybe I don't need to have those feelings since it's a family business, and my Moss (mom/boss) isn't really a boss, but more of a mom, so I've always had to find ways, fend for myself, figure it out. I somehow expect others to follow suit, and it just doesn't happen.

Last night I went to a Jewelry Party. This is basically a reason to get a bunch of girls together to drink and possibly buy some jewelry from some chicks my friend met in a bar. Long story. But I crack myself up hanging out with 25 girls. It's so not me. Yet at the same time it is. I mean, I love jewelry, and drinking. Too bad I'm 6 months pregnant.

Oh yes, so the pregnancy is moving along, thank GOD! I can't stand being pregnant, it's boring as all hell and far too uncomfortable. My life must contain lots of alcohol and drugs in order to survive all the stress I create for myeslf at work, and pregnancy just doesn't fit into that equation. I kid, sort of.

Thanks be to the god of all things baby - this is the last and final pregnancy ever for Mrs. Whine Shriner. I just have to keep reminding myself... only 4 more months of this bullshit. (Yes kids, pregnancy is 10 months, not 9). And I have to remind Mr. Grass that he needs to make an appointment to get snipped.

Of course we are excited for the day the real baby arrives and the big, fat mommy starts to shrink down to normal size. The remainder of 2007 simply cannot go by fast enough.

While I do not want to print his full name here I will tell you that his first name is Alex.

And here's the latest Glamour Shots of Alex, taken just this morning. He is currently a whopping 1 pound, 3 ounces.
























He is sucking his thumb in this pic.


And in this one you can see that all those dark patches on his head are hair. He is looking to come to our world with as much hair as his big brother had.

What else? Don't know. I guess I need to get back to the chaos and drama called work. Good thing I'm getting paid for this shit because it is the biggest headache at the moment. Even though most people would call me crazy, I can't wait for maternity leave. It sounds so much easier at this moment. We shall see.

Monday, September 17, 2007

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same."

- Carlos Castaneda

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Saturday, September 1, 2007

It's Alright


HI!

Sorry I haven't been around here much. You know, crazy as usual. I haven't even bathed my child in days.

But today, I am relaxing amongst loved ones, then heading to the spa with friends, then going out to dinner with friends (no kids!).

And US Open of course, and I'm saying GO ISNER!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Much Like You She Enjoyed Drama and She Was a Queen

I spoke too soon. The drama is right at home. Right around the corner in fact.

Another couple is mad at us because they were not invited on the Orlando trip. They are also mad at the other couple we went on the trip with. They introduced us to the other couple. That was about five years ago.

We didn't officially call them up and ask them to come with us. Any one of the four of us could have called and asked them to come along and it would make sense. Also they could have said, "great idea, we're comin' too!" We would not have disputed the idea.

Now we have drama. Which makes things awkward. And it's just not necessary.

What to do?

Monday, August 20, 2007

Talkin' Bout Good Times

"Home!"

That's what our Little Guy says every time we pull into the driveway. We arrived home Sunday afternoon after a really great weekend in Orlando. Depsite the heat, the kids were great. And there was no drama to speak of, which means... well, you do the math. Here are just a few pics.

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Upon arrival we cruised on over to Downtown Disney and were greeted by Buzz from Toy Story. This was a very exciting moment for the Wine Shriners because Toy Story 2 is currently the Little Guy's favorite movie. He couldn't believe his eyes, would not move away from Buzz, and we had to literally pull him out of other family's photos. He is so overwhelmed with excitment (and heat exhaustion) in this photo, but believe you me, this one encounter was worth the entire trip for him!

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After walking around in 200 degree heat for two hours we immediately took the kids to the pool. Our Little Guy is still a little freaked about putting his head under water (in other words, he's wimpy), but he absolutely loves "swimming".

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While shopping at Downtown Disney Megan and I saw these dresses and had to have them. We also decided we both had to wear them to Sea World. So here we are, posing for pictures to prove to the world what big dorks we are. Surprisingly, our husbands didn't seem the slightest bit embarrassed by us.

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Here we are waiting for Shamu to show up and get on with the show already! The Little Guy is very hot, and very sick of this place. After the show we high tailed it out of there.
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And those is all the photos I gots right now. More updates on life and whatnot later. Happy Monday!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Palace Awaits our Arrival

We're headed to the Buena Vista Palace at Walt Disney World tomorrow. We're going with some friends and their two kids. We are really excited to get away, relax, and relax. We even have a babysitter for Saturday from 4 PM - Midnight! WOW! Very exciting.

We actually have an itinerary which I'm not excited about. I much prefer to wing it, but with 3 kids and 4 adults I recognize the need for a plan.

We arrive tomorrow and will relax and hang at the pool and enjoy the hotel with the kids.

Saturday morning it's Breakfast with Elmo at Sea World, followed by a few hours of Sea World sightseeing. It will be hotter than fuck so who knows how long that will last.

After that the guys will head off to golf and the gals will get the kids to nap. Once the babysitters arrive at 4 PM we are off to the spa. YEA!

Then, the adults get to go out alone. This is huge, HUGE I tell you. We never (hardly ever) get to leisurely enjoy a nice dinner and speak with adults without constant interruption. We are usually stuffing our face and chugging our drinks so we can bolt from a restaurant before any kids we are with (including our own) start to blow. They are like ticking time bombs.

Wish us luck with all that. Hopefully we actually go to dinner, and we actually enjoy ourselves. But even if we just hang out and do nothing, we'll be doing it with the knowledge that our kids are fine, and we don't have to worry about chasing them through parking lots, or plucking them out of little lakes or waterfalls. Those pesky kids always know how to find the one and only place they aren't supposed to be.

Sunday it's another character breakfast for the kids, this time with Mickey Mouse and Friends. Then we head home. In between all that we'll be shopping, sleeping, and hopefully enjoying and relaxing.

We're super excited just to get away. Life has been overly stressful, and no matter how many times someone tells me that I should put my life in perspective and suck it up, I guess I just can't. My life is stressful, damnit!

Of course every trip like this comes with stories and drama. And since I won't be drinking, that means I won't be drunk. So hopefully that means the drama will be all about someone else.... we shall see.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Free Stuff

I was searching the inter-webs for free stuff. Actually, free diapers or diaper coupons. That's how I came across these freebies. Get a hotmail account to sign up for all this because you'll get plenty of junk email in return.

Free copy of What to Expect the First Year
Even if you won't use it this book is a good baby shower gift. You just have to sign up for their newsletter to get your free copy.
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Free sample of Lacoste Essential, the new fragrence for men.
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Get a free mood ring when you sign up to receive a newsletter from oomph.net. This web site appears to be part of the Oprah empire.
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I am still trying to figure him out. He seems to really enjoy wine, and you can watch him tell you all about it in many short videos, which are funny (right?).

Watch this video, fill out the form, and he'll send you this wrist band.



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I signed up for all this crap and more (free formula, free diapers, free diaper bags, who knows what I'll receive...).

I'm trying to find free beauty products. If you know how to get them let me know!

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Naming Rights


Saturday, August 4, 2007

More Proof


Here is further proof we are having another boy. If you aren't sure what this is... first, try to find the part of the photo that shows the baby. Look at the letters OB right under Especially For Women and then go straight down about an inch. You are looking at two legs from the back (think of them sticking up in the air). Between those two legs are the boy parts, and right below that is the rear end.

That was the best photo we could get, and we actually didn't care! Funny how The World and Everyone was always right when they said, "things are just different after the first one. You won't take as many pictures of the second one."

We used to direct the doctor to get the perfect shot of our little bundle of joy, but we haven't even tried to do that this time. We haven't set up a web site dedicated to his fetal growth, and we haven't started putting his room together. Yes, we have plenty of time, but I can already tell that things are going to be very different with #2. I mean, of course things will be different. And that is because we have relaxed quite a bit about the whole thing. Which, hopefully, will mean that #2 will be more relaxed too. Because #1 is wound up and a little bit manic.

So this time I am ordering up a relaxed child, please. Please. Please???????

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Baby Love

Went to doctor today, I'll try to post a picture later. Baby is still a boy, and weighs about 5 ounces. He is due around January 15. No problems detected. Things are good!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

My Brain Is Full

I don't know if I'm really capable of sitting in an office Monday through Friday all frickin' day and into the evening. By Thursday I am beat and ready to call it a week. I am completely jealous of our congress who is taking the month of August off. The government types in Iraq are taking August off too. I'm also jealous of school children (summer off) and anyone from Western Europe. Those fuckers only work a few hours a day and then get something like 25 weeks of vacation. They are also paid better. And get better benefits. Oh well. Things could be worse, right?

One of my employees called in sick yesterday and he calls in sick a lot. I asked him today what the hell is going on and he acted all innocent-like. "What do you mean? I have only missed a couple days..."

Yes, but you've only worked here a month.

Yes, he explains, but this is very serious. You see, it's a South African strain of a very serious bug. And the doctor was so alarmed that a call was placed to the CDC.

Really, I say, the CDC, huh? So you are telling me that in one doctor visit you found out you have a serious South African bug and that it's so rare and scary that the doctor decided to call the Centers for Disease Control. Is that what you are telling me? If so, why are you here now? And if your doctor is so worried why didn't he place a call to your employer, or give you a doctor's note stating how sick you are?

He did not tell me I couldn't come to work.

Ok, he mentioned nothing about whether you are contageous or that you should stay away from work, or from people for that matter. Yet your doctor placed a call to the CDC about this South African flu?

It's not the flu. It's worse than that.

Then get the fuck out of my office. I am a pregnant woman for christ's sakes you fucking moron. Leave now, and call your doctor, and then tell your doctor to call me.

Ok, I'm sorry.

Fucking idiot.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Every word is nonsense but I understand it
























This cartoon made me breath a sigh of relief.

Someone else has felt this way.

I am learning.

To be really hard on people who deserve it

and delegate more.

And more.

And hire more people. Better people.

And tell myself I know what I'm doing.

And that I deserve this.

This success.

I think.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Boys on my left side, Boys on my right side....



Meet Baby Wine Shriner. My doctor told me the baby is "perfect" and I believe her!

We have "95%" ruled out Down's Syndrome, cleft pallet, and any problems with the brain, abdomen, spinal cord, and heart. All this is based on viewing the baby via ultrasound and taking measurements of various parts to ensure they are growing adequately. The baby currently weighs about 1 ounce.

During the ultrasound the baby was moving around a lot so we were able to see everything, and the doctor was excited to get such good visibility. As she said, "There are two arms and legs and we see lots of fingers and toes, but that's the least of your worries."

I didn't ask her what I should be most worried about. Probably because she and I were very fixated on the baby's genitals. About 30 seconds into the process the doctor shrieked, "Do you see what I see?". At this point we got kind of giggly and the mood quickly changed from medical to, well, just a couple of girls cracking jokes.

You see, the baby is more than likely a boy. While the doctor warned "don't paint the walls blue yet", she also seemed pretty confident that a boy is on the way. We were cracking up as she said things like "he is hanging pretty low" and "you can see that thing from all angles". We were giggling like a couple of school girls.

And she started taking pictures of "that thing" too. Here you can see our 1 ounce baby in all his glory (click the picture to enlarge).


So there you have it! We are once again struggling for a boy name.... but I'm excited for another boy. Girls are just a pain in the ass as far as I'm concerned.

Any ideas? Names anyone? Submit a name and if we choose it, I'll pay you $100. Yep, that's it. Now get to it!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Celebrate Celebrate Dance to the Music
























Some of my best friends are descending on Vieques Island, Puerto Rico this weekend. The Real Simple Athletes are celebrating 10 years of wedded bliss and are renewing their vows on their anniversary, July 5. Since I got myself knocked up I had to bail on this trip. I feel terrible about missing this. Those crazy kids will have an awesome time and I'm so proud of them for reaching this important milestone in their lives and for sharing it with so many people they love.

They are each such unique individuals but together the Real Simple Athletes are a terrific team. Over the last 10+ years I have watched them both grow and together they have developed a relationship that many people in this world can only wish and hope for.


Here's Mrs. Real Simple.
























And Mr. Athlete. This pic is a little dated but I imagine he'll be sporting this very same look on the beaches of Puerto Rico.


And here are a few of the happy couple together






























Happiest of happy days and have a wonderful anniversary.


I love you. Have fun. Cheers!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Who Are You?

So there is some faction of anonymous types who read this blog but don't comment, and instead send me anonymous emails challenging my thoughts. I appreciate it, I really do. I actually want to be challenged and wish more people would challenge me in a public forum. I learn best through interaction and debate, and I learn best by understanding where others are coming from in their thought process. I could go off on a tangent about why some people are afraid to discuss and challenge but I'll save that for another time.

So, about my last post. Ok I get the prejudiced thing. I am probably prejudiced in some way but I never considered myself to be so. Not in the sense that I think people mean when they accuse someone of being prejudiced.

An emailer pointed out that I'm not really prejudiced toward a certain type of person, rather I am prejudiced toward inter-racial relationships.

Now this has some validity to me and makes me really think (thank you Anonymous emailer).

There's a girl I work with who is white and she only dates ("fucks") black guys. I have always been a little leary of her motives around this, if there are any. But I never considered that my thoughts were prejudiced in nature.

Someone else wanted to know why I "missed the boat" on my Jessie Davis commentary by failing to point out the double standard for black men because Mr. Cutts was charged with double murder (Jessie and baby). Someone (who are you people?!) wants me to discuss the merits of charging Cutts for the murder of an unborn baby when as a society we never charge anyone with murder who gets an abortion. Who gets to decide when a baby is a baby and therefore, when a viable life was taken?

Heavy stuff, you anonymous people. Again I ask, who are you!?

No matter, I will not be writing a commentary on whether we should arrest women for murder if they have chosen to get an abortion. I can see both sides of that debate, although I don't see how black men fall into this particular debate. I ask you anonymous Peeping Toms whether you know when a baby can live on its own outside the mother's body, and also if you are aware of the laws regarding at what point during a pregnancy a woman can legally obtain an abortion?

Jessie was 9 months pregnant carrying a full-term baby that could have lived on its own, and I fully support the murder charge for Cutts killing this child (his child). I will discuss this in an open forum with anyone willing to do so. If you wish to remain anonymous I am not sure what you are trying to accomplish, but I do appreciate your input. Don't be shy, though. We're all friends here.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Strange but True

I am a sucker for drama, especially true crime drama. I'm fascinated to the point of fixation. Ever since I can remember reading books, I have always gravitated to the true crime section. The OJ Simpson trial was sadly a highlight in my life. It was almost a luxury to be a Journalism student during the most sensational true crime trial ever. I remember a class called Journalists and True Crime: A Discussion. Well, our discussion took place at a bar with TVs so we could all keep watching the OJ trial. I shared an obsession with these people, and I loved every minute.

Jessie Davis is the most recent tragedy that keeps me glued to The Nancy Grace Show. I figured Jessie's boyfriend, Bobby Cutts, was involved from the beginning, and I was suspicious of his every word and action. I actually thought his wife was somehow involved, and that is turning out to be a wrong assumption. But he, yes, he was definitely involved.

Nancy Grace and others are naturally comparing this to the Laci Peterson case. Makes sense because both Jessie and Laci were 9 months pregnant when they were murdered.

But here's the thing: I never pegged Laci's death on Scott Peterson and I wasn't at all suspicious of his actions and words like I was with this Cutts guy. Peterson offed his wife, for sure, but I wasn't really sure until well into the trial.

But OJ? He was guilty as hell from the get-go. Cutts? Guilty!

I was on the fence with Scott Peterson and even The Menendez Brothers.

Does this mean that I am prejudiced?

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Look at me look at me look at me I'm a winner

Dear Mrs. Wine Shriner,

We first would like to congratulate you on your pregnancy!

You recently filled in our BabyMoon survey at http://www.baby-moon.eu./

We have the pleasure to inform you that you are the winner of the month May.

We would like to send the Bulgari gift set to you and therefore would need your shipping address.

We wish you a wonderful day and warm greetings from The Netherlands,
BabyMoon luxury pre-birth getaways
Schilberg 3
3825 GE Amersfoort
The Netherlands
http://www.baby-moon.eu/

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Before Kids I Slept

According to the doctor's measurement of the baby I am about 9 weeks along. But I am pretty sure I'm further along, more like 10-12 weeks. It may not seem like a difference but it sure as shit is.

That measurement they take is a weird thing. If you haven't had kids, here's what they do at the first doctor visit. They shove something up where the sun doesn't shine and then suddenly right there on the screen is a picture of a baby, which looks nothing like a baby and more like a little piece of dust. Then the doctor uses a mouse and clicks around, presses some buttons, and tries to measure the length of that piece of dust, oops, I mean, baby. It's tinier than half your pinky finger. The only way I believed it was real is because I saw and heard a heart beat. Oh yea, and I feel like I've been hungover for two+ months.

So I think the measurement can be off. When I was pregnant the first time the due date changed every time I went to the doctor and had the baby measured. However, I was so sure of the due date (I was right on with March 25) because I knew exactly when the first day of my last period was, and I knew exactly when conception occurred. It was very scientific.

This time around, I couldn't tell you when my last period was, let alone the first day of the last period. And I also don't know when conception occurred. But I do remember feeling horrific, unable to eat, and was overly tired, between my trip to Boston and my trip to Jackson, MS. The long and short of it is I think I got pregnant before I went to Boston, and if so, then the doctor is wrong about the due date.

The baby will be here sometime in January, but the exact date is up in the air as far as I'm concerned. Between now and then much will happen and I'm always fascinated with what is actually going on in there from week to week. It's amazing, really. Here is my Week 10 development taken from two different sources.

Week 10
Your astonishingly tiny baby has graduated from embryo to full blown fetus! And so it should be, as they've been hard at work growing as fast as possible—almost doubling in size in the past three weeks! Amazingly, you’re in for a repeat size doubling performance within the next three weeks! Your tiny champion still weighs less than a quarter of an ounce but has already completed the most critical stage of their development. Using Doppler technology, your doctor or gynecologist can let you hear their tiny rapid fetal heartbeats this week (145-165 beats per minute!). Chances for miscarriage are greatly reduced when the heartbeat can be detected, so take a sigh of relief if you’ve been needing one—it hasn’t been an easy ten weeks! What’s more, they’re getting ready to make their first baby poop! Your little one’s major organ systems are developing, including a functioning digestive tract capable of moving food all the way through their bowels. The final shiny gold star on their fetal behavior chart for the week: your little scrapper has already developed defense mechanisms to protect them on reflex!

Also, your baby will become much more active than before, but unfortunately, his movements are still too small for you to notice. He will be moving his arms and legs, which can be seen on an ultrasound. Your baby's joints are fully formed, as are his tiny hands, feet, fingers and toes. At this age, he would be able to grab an object, if it were placed in his hand, as he grows more and more sensitive to touch. Your baby's eyes are open most of the time but the eyelids are beginning to fuse – they will stay that way until you reach approximately 25 to 27 weeks. The external genitalia are beginning to be able to show your baby’s gender and both the external ears and upper lip are completely formed now. Your baby’s biggest accomplishment this week is the disappearance of the tail! Also, your baby is breathing. This breathing activity is noticeable as he “breathes” amniotic fluid.


It's no wonder I'm so tired - lots going on in there. Very exciting, very odd, strange, and weird, and funky, and it kind of makes my skin crawl.

I'm off to eat some more. I am gaining 1-2 pounds per week. Ahh, the joys of motherhood. The sacrifices are endless. And I cannot forget the joys of Fatherhood. If I were a single mother right now I would flip out. Thank you, thank you Mr. Grass for hanging in there and holding it together for us. Happy Father's Day. You are a good dad and a great husband!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Come on now, Who do you, Who do you, Who do you, Who do you think you are?

Boy, y'all are demanding. Please, point me in the direction of all your original content so I can see what you have to say. Hey, I'll even link to you and we can be friends and stuff. Yea.

Mmmm, Hmmm.

Well, after I kicked Steve out I went from having three people who report to me, to 35 people who report to me. Things have been..... hmmm.... how you say... ummm.... yes, overwhelming.

But that's ok, because when I'm over-the-top busy I can't think about how crap-ass I (still!) feel. Sucks cockola. Or not, as Mr. Grass would be the first to inform you of.

So how do you motivate a group of unmotivated people? These are people who maybe graduated from high school. Well, don't get me wrong. There are some good ones with lots of good experience and I'm leaning on them hard core to step up to the plate and help me.

But most of these people make anywhere from $12-$14/hour and their job is thankless. They have to take all the angry calls, listen to the complaints and problems and suck it up and put on a happy face. I have to constantly tell them to have a positive attitude and be a positive role model at work. It's tiring saying the same thing over and over. Especially when to me, it's a little bit of common sense. I hate to sound like a jackass, I really do. But I cannot relate to most of them. I don't understand why someone keeps a job when all they do when they are at work is bitch and complain and find ways to make other people just as unhappy.

Here's a typical exchange:

ME: Dude, what is up with your bad attitude? Why bother coming here if you are just going to spread your negative energy everywhere?

THEM: Negativiny? I don't know what that means but I'm the oldest of five and I had to take my brother to court today and that's why I was late and my uncle is dying and I'm the only one in my whole family who knows what to do and I just found out I'm pregnant and my babydaddy hit me last night and took the car so that's also why I was late because I had to go borrow a car from my old boyfriend.

ME: oohh-kaaay. Well listen, your job requires that you be here on time so we can be sure to have the coverage needed to take care of our clients and our customers. How can I tell a client that their service levels are not being met because one of my employees can't be here on time? And you have to leave the negative attitude at the door.

THEM: Tell your client my life is fucked up and I had to take my brother to court so he wouldn't go to jail. If your client can't understand that then there is no justice in this world.

See what I mean? Jesus H. on a Pop-Fucking-Sicle Stick!

So I have my work cut out for me. Steve obviously let these people walk all over him. I can't believe what a mess it is every time I fire someone. Well, I can, but I'm always amazed how bad it really was.

On top of all that fa-shizzle, the Little One has been sick, again. And two nights ago I was up with him from 11:30 PM until 5:00 AM. No sleep, and let me tell you, being pregnant, not eating, and not sleeping is not a good idea. Even worse is having to come to work after no sleep, and deal with Them. OOOOOOPH! Yesterday I felt like I was floating. It's a wonder I didn't haul off and wig out on Them. OHH, I am so glad I kept my shit together. And I slept like a sweet baby last night.

In my spare time (HA HA HA HA HA HA), I have been researching which possible Presidential candidate I might be willing to back. Hell no, we won't go with Hillary. And I'm REALLY concerned about her numbers lately. She is becoming more popular, and I'm here to tell you, if she is the Democratic candidate, we WILL end up with another Republican in the White House. And no, I don't think Giuliani is going to get the nomination so it will not be a Hillary/Rudy race. Don't question, accept.

I crack myself up.

I took a little testies to determine which candidate might most match my ideals. Turns out none of them do, but here's the order in which they rank, according to what I want (and yes, legalizing the green is on my list of important political leanings, and yes, it's one of the questions on the test).
























If you take the test let me know how your list shapes up. I am a little disappointed Hillary ended up so high on my list, right above Al Gore, who has to be the most bloated person on the planet. Have you seen him lately? Here's a link to his bloatedness, but beware, it's very scary.

So, given my current "ideal candidate list", I might have to re-evalute my ideals. Yes, I might have to go and do just that.

Who is your ideal candidate?

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

STEVE IS GONE!!!























Hey, I don't fuck around, fuckers.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Am I right side up or upside down, and is this real, or am I dreaming?

I basically just sat on the couch all weekend. I had no energy. It felt like I was coming off a long week or month of nonstop partying and my body finally just gave out. I could barely eat, had dry heeves, upset stomach, headache, body aches, and total exhaustion to the point of barely being able walk across the house to the bathroom. It's debilitating. After awhile my mind turns to mush and it all kind of feels like a dream, but it's not.

I have heard this will go away soon. I have also heard about women who suffered through this for the entire pregnancy. Can you imagine? Jesus H.

My mother just reminded me that I gained "a lot of weight" the first time, and that I might want to lay off the food this time.

Uhhh, thanks mom. That's exactly what I needed to hear.

In other news - I've been promoted to Vice President of Client Services. This has many implications, not the least of which is that I will probably have to work more. Joy.

There's this dude who works for me. We'll call him Steve, but that's not his real name. He heads up a department that I am directly responsible for. He is about 10-12 years older than me, and he has worked with us (directly for me) for about 6-8 months. His job and mine are super important because we are "customer facing" and, since our client's success depends upon getting and keeping customers, those clients rely on Steve and I to help them keep their customers.

Well, Steve is a total fuck up. He thinks his job is to point out what everyone else is doing wrong. And don't you know - because everyone else is doing wrong, then he can't possibly be expected to do HIS job well.

I've resorted to meeting with him weekly and documenting every god damned thing we say to each other. The other day I said, "Steve, I just don't think you are running a very tight ship over here."

His reply was, "I agree."

This guy is killing me. I spend 35%-45% of every day dealing with a parade of people in my office complaining about Steve. How long till Steve is history? Good question, he is really bringing me down and he is losing credibility by the second. Which means so am I. Which means I must act!

Where did all the good people go? Does anyone want to move to Paradise and work for me?

Besides the Steve situation, I'm excited about work. We just signed another huge, big name client. Things are shaping up. It's going to be a very busy summer, but that is good and will help the time go faster until the birth of the new baby. Fuck. That's a little bit scary.

And that's the latest - work and pregnancy. Wish me luck.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep, Stuck in reverse

I feel really pregnant now. I have to wear pregnancy pants and I am beyond tired. I wake up every morning at 3:00 AM for some unknown reason, and it's usually a struggle to get back to sleep. I have to eat a bowl of cereal to stop the loudest hunger grumbles I have ever heard. If I can't get back to sleep I am pretty much screwed for the rest of the day, working through multi-million dollar deals and trying to be patient with corporate morons.

Yesterday I was up from 3:00 AM on, with about a half hour cat nap around 5:30 AM. I luckily did not have to go to the office and was working from home (READ: watching the Little One while checking email every 5 minutes). By 8:00 PM I was sleeping while awake. It really is possible. I was sleep walking while awake.

My energy level is zil because I can't eat. When I finally feel famished I can hardly get anything down. I am always nauseous. I have not actually thrown up, except for once, and that was because I opened the refrigerator and the most grotesque smell wafted in my face. I ran to the bathroom. This was at 3:30 AM. Right after that episode I devoured a large bowl of peanut butter Cap'n Crunch. The only other time in my life when I can remember eating cereal in the middle of the night was when I was pregnant with the Little One.

My cravings include Orangina, orange soda, orange juice, strawberry orange juice, ice cream, chocolate cake, pizza (piping hot, cheese only), french fries, candy, and buffalo chicken sandwiches. Yea, not much on that list is considered healthy. Did I mention McDonald's? Good thing I am taking 6 horse pills per day. Some call them prenatal vitamins. I call them foul.

I am not a member of the Mommy Police Brigade, so I am allowed to drink a little red wine every now and then. Yesterday was the first day when the smell and taste of wine was exceptionally unappealing. And it was about a $300 bottle of Jarvis Cabernet. (Big.Sigh.)

All of this is vastly different from my first pregnancy. I remember having no problem with food - eating anything I could get my hands on. I slept better, but I did not have a two year old then. I never felt nauseous then. I thought I did, but that was anxiety. This is nausea.

So does this mean a girl is on the way? Who knows. If I were a betting person I'd bet on a boy, based on the history in Mr Grass' family. A girl would be fun. We have a list of girl names. Not one name in the boy column.

We bought the Little One a baby and stroller so he can start to practice. We have friends who are already planning a shower. We have discussed the new bedroom for the new baby. And we know we need to get the office ready for primetime so we can both work in there for a few months.

It's getting more and more real. I just want the empty stomach feeling to end. Oh yea, and my boobs hurt.

Happy Memorial Day!


Monday, May 21, 2007

Get Your Vote On


She is at it again with her Internet shenanigans. She wants you to vote for her campaign song. How nice.

What is the point of this? Are we expected to believe that Hillary is a fan of Smash Mouth and Jesus Jones? She must be a huge U2 fan, what with two U2 choices on the list. What about the classic U2 song She Moves in Mysterious Ways? That would be perfect for Ms. Lady Hill.

So what is the point, exactly? Is she being sly and trying to figure out what demo she appeals to? Is she trying to determine who visits her web site?

Does this mean that if Hillary is President she will create a web site where we can all go and vote on issues so she doesn't have to think?

Hillary, honey. It's YOUR campaign song. YOU are running for President. Choose your own song and make something for yourself. You have a brain. Use it!

P.S. How about Michael Jackson's Beat It?


Friday, May 18, 2007

BITTEN


Think this will last?

Everything is $20 and under in Sarah Jessica Parker's new fashion line,
Bitten. There are over 500 clothing items and accessories, footwear, wool and cashmere sweaters, jeans, dresses, and lingerie.

Cashmere for under $20? Hmmm.

Baby Got Back

pregnancy cartoon

There's an entire world of mommies and related-type stuff on the interwebs. I just found a new one and get a load of this!

"At this point any close family or friends have undoubtedly noticed you’re a little more moody and/or irritable than usual. And there are probably times where you’re ready to tell the world off (maybe you already have), but it’s always worth the time and effort to explain to yourself and others the reason for your current emotional rollercoaster; you don’t have to be a monster just because you feel a little whacked out."

So, well, then, yea.

I didn't sleep at all last night - very nauseous and uncomfortable. I'm starting to show already. My first doctor appointment is June 6. I can't wait to find out how far along I am!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky. Shine on you crazy diamond.

I'm not good with a lot of people fawning over me. I'm not good with a lot of people staring at me. It makes me feel uncomfortable, even at certain once-in-a-lifetime moments when it shouldn't.

True story: the other night, me and 5 other women are standing around. One of them pipes up, "Kim has never looked so cute. I have never seen her wearing cute earrings and cute outfits. She just looks so cute today."

I stood there, trying to smile, trying to change the subject, whilst everyone is staring at me.

All I heard is, "Kim is ugly and today she kind of looks cute."

I heard this version because I ALWAYS try to look "cute" around this group. I swear, I always DO look cute.

What's weird is that I've been getting a lot more attention lately and not for reasons you would think. And the cute comment came, even as I stared at all of them with a big black shiner under my eye.

You see, I was wrestling with my Little One over the weekend, and he gave me a head butt. And it hurt like a god damned mother fucker.

And now everyone is staring at me, and I hate every minute of it.

Except that this time, perfect strangers are constantly staring at me, whispering, creating a story in their world about why I have a black eye. They are trying to figure me out and they are oh so wrong.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Livin', Lovin', She's Just a Woman

I've written several blog posts since Monday morning. They all come out sounding as if I'm complaining and I know I have nothing to complain about. So I scrap them.

I'm not so much complaining as I am trying to articulate my life. I wonder if I should just write it for myself. I wonder how much I will be critiqued and judged. I wonder why that makes me feel uncomfortable when I am the one who decided to create this outpost for my life, my emotions, my own personal aresnal of ways to make myself laugh.

I have a scary feeling that this blog will become very pregnancy and baby intensive over the next year. I could be wrong because I'm sure as shit known to go off on a tangent about something or other that may or may not make sense to you. I then wonder if this blog is for me or for you, whomever you may be. I then wonder who the fuck cares. I then wonder why I wonder so much.

When I say pregnancy and baby intensive I do not mean happy, frilly talk of cute clothes and maternity wear. I am not talking about sing-songy ways to describe the way I feel. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy, I'm excited, I'm well aware that I will be receiving cute baby clothes and toys.

When I say pregnancy and baby intensive I am talking about me and only me. Too bad if that's selfish. I am pregnant. And this is my blog. So selfish is allowable.

When I say pregnancy and baby intensive I am talking about how my life will never be the same again. Yes it will be different from both a good and bad standpoint. My career will never be the same. My relationships will never be the same. I will never be the same.

Interestingly, 99.9% of all comments and conversations about this news has nothing to do with me or how I feel or how my life and my relationships are different, in an instant. That sentence sums up the enormity of the feelings and the intensity of the change that is about to occur. I've worked my ass off, I've made a good life for myself. I'm not complaining. But I will never be the same again and that declaration is huge to me.

Since I found out that I am pregnant we have informed the requisite parties and some others as well.

Here is a sampling of questions I have been getting:

Are you ready?
Do you have a name picked out?
What color will you paint the nursery?
Are you happy?
Are you excited?

What are you going to do about a babysitter?
Do you think it's a boy or a girl?
Are you still planning to do __________ (fill in the blank with some event, meeting or situation that really only affects the person asking me the question)


Are you fucking kidding me?

I don't know why I'm shocked. Maybe I'm just hormonal. I find it disgusting that most people cannot relate to something they aren't currently doing or feeling themself. I wonder if I am that way too. I'm going to try hard not to be.

This blog will talk about my struggles working a damn stressful job with enormous responsibility while trying to also be a damn good mom.

This blog will talk about my concerns with being both a career professional and a family person. Pregnancy and babies is a messy, scary, and completely humbling experience that I wouldn't trade for anything. But it's not always fun, and I'm not ever going to sugar coat it. I am me, and I will say what I feel and I will write my thoughts here. You may not agree and you may not like it. I invite discussion and debate. But please do not give me your sugary and sweet idea of who you think I should be, either now or later when I'm trying hard to take care of two kids. This is my story and I'm sticking to it.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Happy Mother's Day


Monday, May 7, 2007

Hey Ladies

Uh, trying to call you both. Answer your god damned phones!

Thursday, May 3, 2007

















Click to enlarge

Monday, April 30, 2007

And my angel she said unto me, Today is the day for you to rise

Today I heard that The Eastern Market was ravaged by fire. Located on Capital Hill, this was a great place to wander when drunk, stoned and hungover. I have spent many a hungover morning scouring that place for something delicious and cold to drink. After awhile I'd settle for a semi-cold can of diet coke and I'd usually swipe a candy bar for some oomph. I've stolen lots of candy bars from the Eastern Market.

I've also purchased lots of wares outside in the open air market. Paintings, jewelry, purses, plants, poultry, flowers, candles and fucking martini sets. Been there done that.


The Real Simple Athletes live practically right next door to the Eastern Market and they are devastated. They sent frontline footage, photos, stories and drama. I could post all that, and post all my old archived photos of me and various friends, family and freaky strangers hanging out at the Eastern Market. I could go into a whole thing about the decades (decades?) of fun we've had there, about Wolf peeing in the corner there, and puking too. And we could all send in our favorite Eastern Market stories.

But then I got to thinking that The Real Simple Athletes should get their own fucking web site to post all their exciting victories and personal drama. And then I remembered that they do have a web site.

So that means I have to talk about myself. Who, me? Yea, me.

I am defined right now by my work which sucks and which means I can't be a mom and a friend and a wife and a housecleaner like I want to be. No need to break out the violin. I know I could have it worse and blabbity blah blah. And I agree, we should really get a housekeeper!!

I'm so busy and have no choice about it because in a very short time, my business has gone in a whole new direction. The base of it is the same but the business plan is different. And I'm now required to be more quiet about it because there are more players involved.

Last week I sat in the old board room and office that Bernie Ebbers used to occupy. He was the CEO of WorldCom who is now behind bars. The client I was visiting is currently occupying parts of what was the WorldCom "campus". While it was mildly interesting to tour Bernie Ebbers and Scott Sullivan's offices, which are still untouched except that some of the furniture is gone, it was most meaningful that we were putting together an incredibly lucrative deal while sitting in the very chairs that Ebbers and Sullivan no doubt sat in while making incredibly fraudulent decisions. The whole place was eerie to be honest, and felt sticky and gross. We drank enormous amounts of alcohol each evening to cleanse ourselves.

And after three long days the deal was done. It was yet another big deal in a line of deals that if we can actually pull off, will mean big things. And big means large. And large is good. And we all know that, right?


P.S. I don't normally credit my headlines, most of which are song lyrics. But I feel the need to disclaimer that my headline is not from the bible, but a Jimi Hendrix written lyric. I thought it was fitting for both the Eastern Market, and for me.

Ok, Good night.

Sunday, April 29, 2007